Hot dog or Hot dog sandwich?

My husband is Mr. easy. He's generally accepting and rarely critical. However I can earn his immediate rebuke with three words, "hot dog Sandwich." He insist that a "hot dog" is not a sandwich and persistence in calling it one does not actually make it so. I fundamentally disagree. Anything, between two things is by definition, a SANDWICH!!! Enter our household, and the great debate.

To settle this matter, I did what folks of our era do, I took it to Google. Imagine my shock to find that this topic has been discussed for quite sometime. So intense are the opinions, that the National Hot Dog and Sausage Counsel was asked to officially rule on the matter. Yes, there is such a thing. I'll save you the search. My husband is clearly running that counsel, because they got it wrong. They said it's a hot dog. Thankfully, my guy isn't aware of the official ruling, nor have I shared it with him. I'm rather fond of peace, and I prefer my environment gloat free.

Settle this for us. What say ye? A "hot dog," or a "hot dog sandwich?" Hint: correct answer written in bold.

"Auto-incorrect."

I have memory issues, primarily where names are concerned. To compensate for this, my brain overrides logic, common sense, and the truth with a peculiar habit. Whenever someone new introduces themselves, and I forget their name, my brain replaces their actual name with a handle of its choice. One that it ultimately decide fits that person best.
"Sure you told me your name was Judy five times. But we're still gonna call you Laura. You look more like a Laura." It's rather embarrassing. It comes off as uncaring.

I suspect that somewhere in my head there is an index of faces. When I meet someone, my mind involuntarily races through those files to see if this stranger's face matches its idea of the name. If it determines it does not, it automatically renames the person.
"You don't look like a Paul. You look more like a Jason, that's what we'll call you from now on. Poor "Jason" then has to remind me repeatedly of his actual name to retrain my thinking.

It gets worse. If I meet someone with the name of a person I previously knew, the new person will likely have to have a hint of the familiar, inexplicable characteristics I've come to associate with that name. It's an easier mental transition. Otherwise it throws me off.  So, if I knew a Susan who was blond, short, and overweight, and you happen to be a Susan who is tall, black and fit, That's probably not gonna go well. I'll just call you "Tina."
Once, I met two ladies in a new group. We'll call them Jill and Sophie. Unfortunately, I had previously known both a Jill and a Sophie. The Jill from the new group looked and acted more like the Sophie from the old group. Likewise, the Sophie from the new group looked, and acted more like the Jill from the old group. I switched their names immediately. I called Jill Sophie and Sophie Jill based solely on my past experiences with those names. Both assume I was struggling to keep their names straight. Nope! I was struggling to keep their identities separate from the identities of the people I knew with those names prior to meeting them.
Since I'm confessing, I might as well also tell you I have come to dislike certain names based on previous interactions with people of those names.
If your name is Lynden, I apologize in advance. It's gonna be a struggle to give you the benefit of the doubt. On the whole. I love the names Tina, Joan, Danielle, Crystal, Sarah, etc. They have been associated with good people in my life.

By now you are probably seeing this for the utter foolishness it is. Assessing people based on their names is about as deep as water in a saucer. The same can be said of  the assumptions we make of people before getting to know them. We distrust folks because they might look a certain way, be of a different economic status, size, beauty, culture or color. We assume and presume we know who they are. We assert our presumptions and assumptions as their identity. It's sad, and harmful. We need to let the actions of individuals speak for themselves.

Even when actions do speak, don't conclude to know a person based on a few actions or interactions. I remember being nervous in situations, and acting like an utter buffoon because of it. Judge me in those moments, and you'd be wrong, because you didn't actually see the real me. I'm just saying give folks more of a chance than google gives us when filling in a search. Don't assume because we see how someone began, we know where they are going, and we automatically know how they will end. Interactions with humans requires patience. That is why God is patient with us. It is why patience is a fruit or manifestation of the Spirit. We need it in order to survive each other. While we are on the topic of fruit, the bible says you'll "know them by their fruits." Please allow people to produce a couple before you judge resolutely. Don't assume you are automatically correct. You might just be "auto-incorrect."

Often, while I'm typing something into a search engine, and before I've even entered a complete word, there are already suggestions about where I should go. Sometimes I follow them, even though they had nothing to do with why I originally came. I set purpose aside, and rabbit trail. The very prompt of a new idea, causes me to entertain a new course. Changing the search, changes the mission.
A similar thing happens when my phone autocorrects a word. The meaning shifts, as does the weight, and emotion behind the message. This is why we must guard our input into the lives of others. Don't suggest an identity for folks that's not theirs. Don't call them anything that God hasn't. Don't be a part of misleading them down paths they never intended to go. Don't be a catalyst to their wandering or shift.  Perhaps you are thinking, "What does this have to do with me? These things are entirely up to the individual." I agree. Somewhat.

Studies have shown that speaking over plants positively, or negatively impacts their growth. The same is true of humans. Words give or take life. Be careful with the ones you use. Have a pure heart, and only speak the truth in love when you speak into the hearts and lives of people. It takes a lot of time and energy to live independent of the labels we are assigned. "The wise one. The pretty one. The strong one. The funny one. The smart one." I think we do this because it is easy. Unfortunately, it is the laziest approach to "knowing" someone. Assessing only by the eyes, and what is obvious is a disservice. It requires no significant investment of effort, time, love or patience. Even when what we see is true, "the creative one" is creative, "the angry one" is angry, there is still so much more we do not see.
And, what we are seeing is actually the end result of what we can't see. The heart. The visual is the most elementary step into relationship. Go beyond it. When Jesus said "you will know them by their fruit," He said so because He was telling us to use the fruit to determine the nature of the tree. He didn't say it because the fruit was all he wanted us to see.  He simply wanted us to know the source of the fruit, the tree.
The fruit is the end result of the planted seed. Much like the heart, the seed is overshadowed by what grows out of it. It's hard to see the origins of either, but major disruptions result above the surface of the ground in which the seed is planted, and the heart in which words take root. Much like seeds, we have a heart that produces outwardly. They earn us the labels. And even when those labels are all true, there is still an origin, a root cause that often goes unnoticed. I'm saying, notice. Sure, look at the fruit, but realize you aren't looking at the fruit to stay there. Look closer. You are looking at the fruit to make an assessment of the tree. Where did it come from? It's the why, and the rest of the story behind the fruit you do see. Don't focus exclusively on the end product, shift your gaze, and prayer to what's behind it. Our problem isn't the fruit as conveniently as it is to be seen, and blamed. It is the seed, the tree it produced as a result. Use the fruit to know the tree.

At the very least, we can learn to appreciate others in a more well rounded way. Let's go a little deeper than the surface. That "quiet one" might be quiet, or "the confident one" might be confident, but that's probably not all they are. They may shock you with who they really are, if given a chance to finish their search, and show you.
We are all the wisdom of God and a work in progress. Let's appreciate those things we see in others, but let's just wait to see what else the creator is doing in their lives, and hearts. He refines and defines. Our role is simply to agree with perfection. Let's not hold our opinions about His work, higher than the truth of His power to transform. Instead of locking others into a label, or assigning titles, just call them by their names. Hopefully, you remember what it is. 

It Came to Pass...

I've never been fond of team sports. Too much is beyond my control. The one sport I did participate in- track and field- was what I consider an "individual team sport." Though part of a whole, my races were solo. Even in team efforts like relays, my splits could be timed. The weakest link could easily be uncovered. I wouldn't say I'm competitive, but if you score a victory over me, believe me you earned it. I'm not giving it to you. You will work for it.

Consider it a kindness. I'm doing you a favor, making you better. There is no honor in defeating an unworthy opponent. I want you at your best. I'm going to give you my best as a teammate, and as a rival.  As a competitor, I want to dethrone a king. Otherwise, the win is a shallow one. Beating  someone of inferior skills is a yawn. Either win like a champion, or lose as a warrior, but give it your best.

I've learned that not everyone shares, or appreciates this frame of mind. It has been the main reason I dislike competing as part of a team. I'm committed to giving my all. If I see you working half-heartedly, that's gonna be a problem for me. Those people who say, "we'll do better next time" are my natural enemies opposites. There is no next time. There's only today. No regrets. Leave it all on the floor. Die there if you have to. This is my mentality. 

Now imagine my utter shock upon discovering that I had managed to produce a child whose philosophy is "it's ok. You don't have to win. That's not the most important thing. You tried, and you had a good time, that's all that matters..." 

Say what now? That's a lie from her father's side of the gene pool. We play to win!

Despite this, my rebel offspring has taught me a few things. There is a certain leadership quality in losing. There is a strength and dignity in it. Obviously, there's ample opportunity for humility and growth in it. These are invaluable qualities. We don’t applaud losers in sports, but maybe we should reevaluate that practice in life. It takes a ton of strength to fail, and keep trying. I've come to appreciate, and even respect it. It's a fighter's spirit.

A few weeks ago, I was at a low point. Hormones did not help. I was in tears over something trivial. In the midst of that, this question came to mind:

"Why are you crying over circumstances that will change?" 

As I pondered the question the power of it hit me. Despite the way they may feel, my circumstances are never eternal. They are temporary. I always survive them. So, why assign them such power? A phrase followed the thought. "It came to pass.."

I could bore you to tears listing all of the times those words are mentioned in the Bible. I know what it means. It's like saying, "after a while..." But a more literal interpretation of it is what stayed with me. It came, to pass- as in this situation came, just to make an exit. Much like a hurricane it can be fierce, but then it's going to blow on out.  It's not here to stay. It came to pass by. It will be gone soon. And there I was, shedding tears over something that didn't come to linger, something that couldn't out live or outlast me. Unless I gave it power, it would be gone and forgotten soon enough. Looking at it in that way, the emotions seemed a bit ridiculous. 

Now, why am I telling you all of this? I think too many times we portray ourselves as masters of our domain when nothing could be further from the truth. We are more like disasters of our domain, or survivors of it. We all have a mentality, and an image we tend to project, protect or live by. But sometimes the image doesn't work. The mentality fails. It leaves us feeling lost. Unstable. I want you to know that it is perfectly okay to be a nightmare on legs. You don't always have to be in control. In fact, that's the exact recipe for disaster. You won't always win at everything. That's okay too. You can acknowledge your shortcomings, while still holding on to hope. Know that you won't always fail, be down, depressed or discouraged. Those moments came to pass. What's more, circumstances don't dictate the joy in your life.

In the fitness world much is made of cross-training. It is the practice of adding variety to your workout program. You work your muscles in a way that is different, but complimentary to your normal routine. The goal is to eliminate muscle imbalances, by diversifying your training. This will vary depending on your sport. A biker or runner might take up swimming to avoid having strong legs, and a weak upper body. They are still training, still working hard, and still earning the results. They are just doing it in a different way. Working from a different angle. It makes them stronger in their preferred sport.
 Failure is the cross-training of life. Often we are so fixated on traditional and societal ideas of success, we neglect to see the opportunity in it. Failure is not the way we ever expect to prepare to win, but it is vital training nonetheless. It is simply training from another angle. When it is over, we will return to our pursuits, visions, and dreams stronger, and more courageous because of it.

The next time you are faced with failure, see it as more than an enemy, it can be an accessory. If it has to happen to you, make it work for you. Remember one day it will in fact pass. In the meantime, there are good things happening in you, around you, and on your behalf. That's not wishful thinking. It is my faith in God for you. He makes no mistakes. If you are still here, it is because the flawless wisdom of God has decided it, and makes it so. If you are winning at life right now, great! But if you happen to be struggling, don't lose heart, or hope. Change is coming. These moments are just that, moments. Don't let them become the whole story. They came to pass. Don't make hasty decisions based on them, and cause them to hang around longer. Don't allow them to be a bigger part of your story than necessary. Use them to cross train, and move on.
Keep fighting, but know that if you don't win, it's truly ok. Consider it a part of your fitness routine. Surviving losses, and failures is a victory of its own.  

 *For the sake of my reputation, this post will self-destruct... 

Braving COVID-19"

I hate the circumstances, but I'd be lying if I told you that I didn't appreciate the break. I'd rather we had a global pause due to celebration, and without the sickness, sadness, dying, or the death part. But the precautions, and panic related to COVID-19 has allowed time to reflect. The following are my random thoughts as a result:

• Confession: Prior to social distancing, I was already socially distant. It wasn't exactly my proximity. It was my inability to really connect with people. This was based on many factors. My schedule was one of them. Even when I was among people, I wasn't with people.  My mind was always on the next thing. Distant. Don't be that person. Be engaged exactly where you are. *Some might say that this description fits being relationally distant. I'll bite. But it is my opinion and experience that those two things relate.

• Introverts everywhere are happy to their souls. They are living their very best lives right now. Leave them alone, but please reach out to all the extroverts you know. They could use some "extra" support and attention. 

• Due to this pandemic America has an opportunity to try homeschooling. This will either cause people to respect homeschooling folks who remain sane, or it will further cement the idea that we are lunatics. There will be no in between. I just like that it is an opportunity to explore ideas, and seek understanding. This opportunity is not exclusive to homeschooling. The same can be said of politics, religion, and social issues. We are divided nation. Each side disqualifying the other, and dismissing the wisdom and brilliant minds on the opposing side. It's hard to build a greater country if we are busy tearing each other down. After all, a country is built on the ideas, and ideals accepted, and acted upon by its people. I'm not telling you to enter a political discussion with anyone, but on your own, you could explore why they might feel the way they do. Listen to what they might listen to. Don't worry. It's not contagious. Unlike COVID-19, you won't catch it.

• There is no longer an excuse to ignore the massive dust bunnies under the couch, or the crumbs in it. Nothing stands between you, and decluttering that draw or closet other than the will to do it. If you are like me -with clothing decades old- it's time.  

• Speaking of clothing, the reason some of my "classic pieces" are still hanging around is because I was determined "one day they'd fit. One day" is today. Now, is a good time to begin making decisions to cause your clothes to fit. How are you doing with that New Year's resolution regarding weight loss/health? Revisit it. You don't need to be indoors eating all day. Crawl out of that sack of whatever you hoarded, and are eating uncontrollably, and get active. Turn off the screen and take a hike. Literally. Walk. Run. Bike. Jump rope. Rollerblade. Whatever. There are restrictions on gatherings, not exercise. Get some...and make healthy choices that support it.

• This is an excellent time for relationship building. Don't shoot. Some of you are stuck indoors with the people who mean the most to you, but they are mean to you. They drive you crazy, and assuming you prioritized well, you bought alcohol to cope with being locked in with them. Don't drink it. We are making healthy choices here remember? I realize this might be difficult. Some family members are so different, we'd never be around those people if God didn't see fit to make them related by blood. Perhaps they are so draining, it is your normal practice to deliberately put "social distance" between you and them. Your "meanager" teenager, your spouse, mother in law, etc. Point is, now is an excellent time to take a step closer to them. Spend some time listening to them. Have that conversation you hate having. Again. Listen this time. Really, listen to them. Don't assume you are right, and if you are, don't assume they are your enemies. Consider that this person loves you. Obviously, I'm not talking about relationships that are unhealthy, and require healthy distance. I'm talking about ones that are weird, strained, awkward, but still repairable. Perhaps you do have a few relationships that are severed that need to be looked at. Just make sure you are not harboring bitterness. Be willing to see your part in any relational war, or walk away from battles that are not yours to fight.

• Connect. Get to know someone in your community.  It may not be as scary as knocking on your neighbor's door. You could do that, but COVID-19 panic is real. You don't have to risk the door being slammed in your face. Just go outside and wait. If you lurk outdoors for a while, cabin fever will flush your neighbors out. They are desperate enough to be outdoors welcoming vitamin D. Now is an excellent time to meet them. Find out their names, and begin a relationship, or at least greet them. That's a start. It's better than doing that thing that you guys do where you pretend you don't see each other driving by in a whole car!

• Reflect on yourself. Where are you in life? Are you prioritizing the right things? Are you  genuine, and honest to your core? Is that hairstyle really working for you? Was that joke really funny, or was that more of a nervous laugh? Is this who you are, how you want to portray yourself? Frazzled, frumpy mom, super trendy, and edgy. Are you downplaying you, or are you "up-playing" you to fit in/belong? You don't have to ask deep questions. Just take some time to connect with the person God intended you to be. If you don't already know, begin to discover who that is. Speaking of God...

• Consider faith. Nothing reminds us of our humanity like a massive disaster, or say a pandemic. Put real thought into faith. What do you believe? Often, we adopt ideas, and beliefs that sound good, well argued, or constructed, but in many cases, they are the opinions of other people. What are yours? There is no substitute for your own genuine study, and honest seeking. Do it. You don't want to be wrong about the right thing. Be sure you are correct or at least confident in your conclusion. We call that faith. Pray. Talk to God. Ask Him about it. I can tell you He answers, even those who feel like they don't deserve it. From my experience, I'd say especially "those." The big point is, you don't want to be wrong on something so huge.

• This is an excellent time to catch up on reading. Not skimming. Reading.  Otherwise, get rid of all those books, and materials you have been stockpiling for the apocalypse. This is as close to one as we have come in modern times. If you are not reading now, be honest. It's never going to happen. That said, this is also a good time to stop reading. Bookworms, I'm looking at you. Go be active. Go do something you have been reading about.

• Create. Explore that hobby you have been too busy, intimidated, overwhelmed, insecure or fearful to try. Draw, paint, sew, bake, build a website, plan a party (for when the quarantine ends) organize your photos, scrapbook, mentor, etc. Or Be realistic. You can't sing, so no need to send in an audition clip to a talent show, unless rejection gets you high, or you just want to be able to say you did it. Also, be unrealistic. Do a bucket list thing that you have been putting off. Or, at least begin seriously thinking through it, how and when it can be done. 

• Invest. Financially, emotionally, spiritually. Wherever you want to see a return in life, invest there. This is an excellent time to pour into someone or something. Look for a person/s or a  cause around you to be generous to. Offer them/it your time, talents, gifts, abilities, connections, and resources.

• If you love someone let them know. Give hugs. Pet your animals, or take in a shelter pet. It is always a good time to love someone or something. Love is brightest, when the world is darkest. It's definitely gloomy right now.

• Rest. Contrary to the laundry list of things I've posted "to do" it's okay to rest. Your body, and your mind needs it. Do something, or nothing, but rest. I'm not talking about laziness, but schedule yourself a time to rest. When the rest is over, it will likely give you the clarity to work wisely.

This is not a comprehensive list. Currently these are the big ones for me. They are not in order of importance. Your list might look differently than mine, but make one. Just tackling laundry might be a triumph for you, or being shut in and not murdering anyone might be your thing. The point is, if you are healthy, that's a blessing. Put this time to good use. Make it work for you. If not, it will be a missed opportunity. 

I want you to emerge from COVID 19 healthier, and better than when you went in. That is my goal. Whether it's a grand transformation, or just a small change, I want to be better. I hope you are, and remain well in every way. I'd love to hear what you are focusing on at this time. Leave a comment below. 

Love and Something Unlike it

Some topics are above my pedigree. On those matters, I'm slow in thought. I'd like to be slower to speak. With another Valentine's Day behind me, I've been reflecting on love. I cautiously offer my sluggish opinions.

All things considered; love is still the greatest power ever known. Unfortunately, it is also the most abused, misused, and misunderstood. I'm not claiming guru status here. I don't have the answers. I am merely an observer. Life has taught me that man has no real idea what love is. Sure, he comes close to it. He even has a wildly pleasant form of it, but real love escapes him. Should he manage to find it, he doesn't dwell in it. How's that for positivity?

When asked what's the greatest commandment. Jesus said, "love the Lord your God with all your heart soul, strength and mind." In revealing what the greatest commandment is, He also revealed what love looks like. He paints this picture of the all-encompassing. Love is the offering of everything you have.

My husband is "Mr. Easy." He is a relaxed guy. He is also organized and orderly, yet he accepts my general messiness. He does laundry, cooks, clean, takes care of children and pets. The guy can almost do no wrong. Except he does. They are often little things. An occasional dirty dish left outside its habitat. His lunch container, on the counter. Mostly, he fails in observing certain laws of the household as set by me. No jackets on the backs of dining room chairs. No electronic devices on the dining room table. No shoes on the carpet. I was furiously cleaning up after him one day, when the true source of my anger was uncovered. "You want love, but you don't want to sacrifice." Ouch! It stung. I assumed myself more mature. I was not.

Love without sacrifice. Is that even possible?  It became clear to me, that I wanted all of the benefits of love, but I wanted it without any personal change to me, or to what was comfortable to me. Unfortunately, this is what love looks like to many. We add people to our world/lives, without expecting them to affect or impact it in any real way. Nor do we anticipate well, or welcome the changes they bring to it from theirs.

Many, more mature than I, do anticipate those changes. They are willing to make certain sacrifices, but more often their adjustments look like concessions, and compromises rather than total surrender. The question remains. What is love without sacrifice? I believe that the extent to which we are willing to magnanimously sacrifice, is the extent to which we love.

This is why the love of God is so astounding. Some have deemed it "reckless." It certainly looks that way when compared to ours. But that's not fair. We are not the bar. Therefore, comparison isn't a real one. It shouldn't be used to assign a label or draw a conclusion. God and man are unequal. Purity compared to the impure is like comparing Monopoly money to actual money. It is actually more like life and light, compared to death and darkness. In most circumstances, and without discussion, we'd dismiss the fake thing altogether. It's not worthy of conversation, much less comparison.
Perfection is the only true standard. God is Love. Love is who He is. He is the whole reason we love at all. Anything we know of love we have learned from Him. He taught us that love requires selflessness. It is this total selflessness that earned Him the label "reckless." Real and true is a more accurate description. Otherwise everything about Him is "reckless," grace, forgiveness, all. And that raises so many questions. Let's just leave all of it alone. Let's agree that whatever God has given man, He gave it extravagantly. Whether peace, or love, joy, hope, and more, His generosity in all, is astonishing. It is this willingness to give so much that draws us to Him. He has taught us the that love requires something of us. It requires a sacrifice, an offering. His was phenomenal.  His sacrifice wasn't large. It was everything.

Sacrifices are necessary to love, but not all are equal. It is possible to sacrifice begrudgingly. That sort can come dressed nicely, but it reeks of control, and power. "Look at what I have done for you. Do you see how good I am? How patiently I endure you. You owe me something, for my pains." Though never spoken, those thoughts can be held, communicated via deeds, and acted upon by a love that is less than. This is often where humans love from. It is love that keeps score. It keeps a record of wrongs, by sometimes keeping a record of rights. "I have done X, Y, Z." The end result is the same. It is used to convict that debtor of wrong, hold him hostage, or keep him in bondage.

Further, we often love from a position of weakness. "I need you therefore I love you." That's the theme in just about every romance film. Some guy is hopelessly in love with a beautiful girl. He pursues her. Some girl is rescued from trying circumstances, by one who will make her life better, forever. We celebrate this sort of love. I wonder about it. If the one who had something to gain, were not in that vulnerable position, would the love be so consuming? Would that heart so willingly "fall?" Side note: I'm leery of "fallen" anything. Fallen hearts. Fallen people. Fallen trees. Just falling in general. I digress. My point is, if she wasn't beautiful, he didn't need her, and she didn't enhance his life in anyway, would the love be there? If he wasn't the prince, and couldn't rescue her, would she be content with him? All indications are that real love is most clearly revealed when it is extended to the unworthy. The undeserving. The love we read about often makes people worthy by, wealth, beauty or by character. Something redeemable exist. Love for the all-around ugly is a rare, and elusive thing. There is zero benefit in it to the one who has better options.

Far be it from me to mock attraction, or needing someone. But I do think the desperation that we crave in love, is sometimes tied to an inexplainable core need. Often it expresses itself in a certain sort of selfishness. We think sentiments about being unable to "live without" a person is cute, or even romantic. We assume they show devotion, and oneness. I think it reveals the root of a love that is driven by personal satisfaction. Isn't that truly a fulfilment issue?
On the flipside, there are those who seek to be someone's "everything." They want to be the center of another person's world. There is selfishness in that too. We want another human's wellbeing connected to ours, and seeking ours. There's a word for that. Worship. We want to know that someone cannot live without us. They need us. Think about that. "I cannot live without you."  That is "love" that literally restricts life. That's control, and that type of love brings bondage. That's exactly what love from a place of desperation looks like. One or both parties are deriving some benefit related to fulfillment from it.  It is not healthy. It is a poor substitute for what we actually want, real love. It does exist.

I reluctantly admit that the fairytales also offer a glimpse of genuine love. It's wrapped so tightly in a blanket of baloney, blink, and you'll miss it. But wade through the general superficial elements in these stories, and you have a kernel of truth related to real love told over and over again. It is tied to who the prince is. He represents power. That is love from the position of strength. The prince does not need the maiden. He is by all means self-sufficient. He faithfully loves one who can in no way benefit him. She is only a part of the story because he has made her worthy. That's a clue. True love always steps down to draw others up. It is humble, patient, kind and considerate. It is only ever pure. On some levels we understand this. We marvel and measure the depth of love by how low a person is willing to go for it. This is key to love from a position of strength, and it is superior to love from desperation. One is true and noble, the other can be tainted by need, a lack of contentment and perhaps even greed. "I don't need you; but I choose you." That is superior to, "I desperately need you, I can't live without you so I choose you."

I'm not trying to trash human love. Nor am I saying that need is wrong. It just occurs to me that one is greater. It reminds me of when Jesus said, "it is more blessed to give than to receive. Both are blessed. One simply offers more blessings than the other. Love from need, can be love. Love from choice is a grander thing is the point. That is God's love, a choice on the part of perfection.  Man's love is not complete. It has room to be informed, and therefore transformed. Through humility and obedience, it becomes a more "reckless" thing.

I remain as I began, with thoughts beyond me.  I'm attempting to communicate the divine. God alone knows love. He loves from a position of total strength, without need for us, but with absolute consideration of us. He alone enables us to love in this manner. Anything calling itself love, but not resembling His, is a work in progress at best, or a true counterfeit. It is plagued with fulfillment issues. Oh, it can feel good. It may even provide a measure of comfort, but it has limits. Testing quickly reveals it is not the all-powerful thing it purports to be. It is my great hope that one day we all know well, love unrestrained

Keto Cheeto

Over the years my weight has fluctuated. Thankfully, my metabolism is somewhat high. At forty plus, I'm still close to my high school weight. I suspect that the boost in my metabolism won't last forever. I'm also a lazy clothing selector. I like going to my closet, and wearing whatever I feel. I'd rather not have to wear clothes that "make me look smaller" or my "fat clothes." I'd also rather not pack on any more pounds. With those thoughts in mind, I started looking at sustainable diets. 

A confession: I'm not a diet person. Many years ago I tried the Slim Fast Diet. Remember those things? A shake for breakfast? A shake for lunch? And a delicious meal? Yeah that. Well I did that diet and gained weight. Turns out a shake for breakfast wasn't enough. I had to have four eggs, toast, meat and cheese with it. A shake for lunch was really filling, with a burger and fries, and afternoon snacks. You get the idea. Diets are not for me. There is something about the word "no" that makes me want a thing instantly.

As I write this, half of my friends are on The Next 56 Days. It's a low carb plan. The other half is doing keto, also low carb. Many of them have had great successes with these plans. It's truly about a lifestyle change.  But low carb means I have to say "no" to something, and therein lies the problem. I love mangoes, and pineapples, and grapefruit, and apples and kiwi, and guava,  peaches, and honey dew, papayas... You see where this is going. A low carb life places restrictions on all of those things. Restrictions means "no." Some people have said, "You can have those things occasionally." Wrong. I see fruit benders in the making. Island folks cannot have fruit occasionally. In fact I'm pretty sure our blood is like ninety percent fruit juice. Going low carb would be difficult at best. 

To complicate matters, I have a very unhealthy close relationship with Cheetos. It has been my "go to" stress snack since childhood. It has helped me manage frustration, and hard days. Its crunch has been

my reward, and a relaxation technique. It's cheesy therapy in a bag.
It's fair to say I am a connoisseur of the snack.  I've tried them all. Thus far, the Simply Brand puffs are the best. Nothing comes close. Yes. I know it's not great for me. I don't even want to know what's in the white dust sprinkled on the stuff. Honestly, I'd probably eat it regardless. 
For the record, I usually prefer crunchy Cheetos. The Simply brand does make a crunchy version. It is with great reluctance that I admit, the puffs in that brand is better. Not that I'd refuse either version.

And so it goes. Every time I consider my diet, these deep and troubling thoughts loom. "How would you ever survive low carb? You cannot restrict mangoes. It is an island sin. Your grandmother would be so disappointed. Did God not know too much carbs are bad? Why oh why, did He make all of this delicious fruit? You know Keto doesn't make a Cheeto right? You hate counting anything." 
It's safe to say that I am resigned to mostly clean eating.  I'll continue to eat tons of fruit and veggies, lots of  seafood-mainly salmon because it's easily accessible and I'm part bear. I think someone like me, should just adhere to eating sensibly. I don't need a diet to tell me eating a "family sized" bag of chips in a sitting is not a good idea. At this point I'd be ahead if I just purged my diet of all the O's. Fritos. Doritos. Tostitos. And the obligatory Oreos.

"Power Couple"

Recently a friend referred to my husband and I as a "power couple." She was being completely facetious of course. My family was recovering from a stomach bug. We shared a laugh about how I was about to power through cleaning the toilets, and moved on. 

This morning I awoke to dog poop in my basement. Yes, the same dog that I posted about just a post or two ago. Needless to say any maturity I previously expressed regarding this animal, left me. The dog knew it too. She wisely avoided me the entire time I was cleaning her mess.

I had recently disinfected upstairs, only to be greeted by the funk of dog coming from downstairs. With no one to strangle in sight, my thoughts mockingly drifted back to the "power couple" joke. I wished my friend could see that moment. Shanda versus dog diarrhea. One half of the "power couple" was totally failing the title.
Anger flooded my being as I flooded the basement with Clorox. Somewhere in the midst of bleach fumes (or perhaps as a result of it) it occurred to me to be grateful for moments that keep me humble. I'm not sure I was open to that lesson this morning, but it's been with me all day. As a consequence, you get to hear all about it now.
Humility is one of the most underestimated postures in life. Yet, it is one of the most powerful positions we can take. I believe it is the gateway to every blessing of God.  The might it takes to humble oneself, is nothing short of divine.
Yes, I know what is meant by the term "power couple." We are talking about a marriage, between two people of equal economic ability, fame, influence, talent and status. These are two people who are dynamic in their own right, but an absolute phenomena when together. Got it. I'd like to present another option, one that represents people of  humble circumstances.

Think about the man who stands by his wife dying of cancer. What about the couple who have stayed together against all the crazy odds? There are those who have limited income, but they love and support each other. What about the parents who don't have wealthy supporters to help them raise the kids? Both work hard on a daily, and stay up at night taking care of sick babies, homework and whatever is needed. What about the wife who loves and stands by that husband who lost is job, or became disabled? How about our military families who give up time, limbs and mental health to better our country? These families accept the sacrifices for worthy principles. Are these not power couples?

I think so. I believe it takes a lot of humility to do the things that simply need to be done. To take every blow that life throws at you, to keep getting up, and fighting to be together, takes tremendous power. Remember, these are the people without maids, chefs, chauffeurs, platinum cards, or whatever convenience makes life easier. I don't begrudge anyone who has work hard or has means. I'd simply like to add another consideration to the term "power couple."

I believe it takes a lot of power to live a humble and committed life. To stay in love though reality screams "Run!" "Save yourself." It is so easy to reason our way out of such circumstances. Things change. You marry someone, and you both go from being skinny, and having six packs to dad body, cellulite, and muffin tops. We lose our hair. We have car accidents, develop illnesses. We have children who are disabled. These are the things that we can't plan. Yet, many find a way to power through.

If you have circumstances like these, I honor you. I believe you and others like you are the true "power couples."  You experience life in its hardest forms, and you stick with your spouse and choose to keep going. You fight with each other, but you fight harder for each other. I admire you. I'm proud of you for doing the things that needs to be done. I respect you for being humble enough to accept and enjoy what you have, even though you might want more. Whether you are flipping burgers, or cleaning toilets, if you are out there humbly serving, and working along side your spouse to better your family, I applaud you. You have my "power couple" seal of approval."