shan

shan

Saturday, March 28, 2020

It Came to Pass...

I've never been fond of team sports. Too much is beyond my control. The one sport I did participate in- track and field- was what I consider an "individual team sport." Though part of a whole, my races were solo. Even in team efforts like relays, my splits could be timed. The weakest link could easily be uncovered. I wouldn't say I'm competitive, but if you score a victory over me, believe me you earned it. I'm not giving it to you. You will work for it.
Consider it a kindness. I'm doing you a favor, making you better. There is no honor in defeating an unworthy opponent. I want you at your best. I'm going to give you my best as a teammate, and as a rival.  As a competitor, I want to dethrone a king. Otherwise, the win is a shallow one. Beating  someone of inferior skills is a yawn. Either win like a champion, or lose as a warrior, but give it your best.

I've learned that not everyone shares, or appreciates this frame of mind. It has been the main reason I dislike competing as part of a team. I'm committed to giving my all. If I see you working half-heartedly, that's gonna be a problem for me. Those people who say, "we'll do better next time" are my natural enemies opposites. There is no next time. There's only today. No regrets. Leave it all on the floor. Die there if you have to. This is my mentality. 
Now imagine my utter shock upon discovering that I had managed to produce a child whose philosophy is "it's ok. You don't have to win. That's not the most important thing. You tried, and you had a good time, that's all that matters..." 
Say what now? That's a lie from her father's side of the gene pool. We play to win!
Despite this, my rebel offspring has taught me a few things. There is a certain leadership quality in losing. There is a strength and dignity in it. Obviously, there's ample opportunity for humility and growth in it. These are invaluable qualities. We don’t applaud losers in sports, but maybe we should reevaluate that practice in life. It takes a ton of strength to fail, and keep trying. I've come to appreciate, and even respect it. It's a fighter's spirit.

A few weeks ago, I was at a low point. Hormones did not help. I was in tears over something trivial. In the midst of that, this question came to mind:

"Why are you crying over circumstances that will change?" 

As I pondered the question the power of it hit me. Despite the way they may feel, my circumstances are never eternal. They are temporary. I always survive them. So, why assign them such power? A phrase followed the thought. "It came to pass.."
I could bore you to tears listing all of the times those words are mentioned in the Bible. I know what it means. It's like saying, "after a while..." But a more literal interpretation of it is what stayed with me. It came, to pass- as in this situation came, just to make an exit. Much like a hurricane it can be fierce, but then it's going to blow on out.  It's not here to stay. It came to pass by. It will be gone soon. And there I was, shedding tears over something that didn't come to linger, something that couldn't out live or outlast me. Unless I gave it power, it would be gone and forgotten soon enough. Looking at it in that way, the emotions seemed a bit ridiculous. 

Now, why am I telling you all of this? I think too many times we portray ourselves as masters of our domain when nothing could be further from the truth. We are more like disasters of our domain, or survivors of it. We all have a mentality, and an image we tend to project, protect or live by. But sometimes the image doesn't work. The mentality fails. It leaves us feeling lost. Unstable. I want you to know that it is perfectly okay to be a nightmare on legs. You don't always have to be in control. In fact, that's the exact recipe for disaster. You won't always win at everything. That's okay too. You can acknowledge your shortcomings, while still holding on to hope. Know that you won't always fail, be down, depressed or discouraged. Those moments came to pass. What's more, circumstances don't dictate the joy in your life.

In the fitness world much is made of cross-training. It is the practice of adding variety to your workout program. You work your muscles in a way that is different, but complimentary to your normal routine. The goal is to eliminate muscle imbalances, by diversifying your training. This will vary depending on your sport. A biker or runner might take up swimming to avoid having strong legs, and a weak upper body. They are still training, still working hard, and still earning the results. They are just doing it in a different way. Working from a different angle. It makes them stronger in their preferred sport.
 Failure is the cross-training of life. Often we are so fixated on traditional and societal ideas of success, we neglect to see the opportunity in it. Failure is not the way we ever expect to prepare to win, but it is vital training nonetheless. It is simply training from another angle. When it is over, we will return to our pursuits, visions, and dreams stronger, and more courageous because of it.

The next time you are faced with failure, see it as more than an enemy, it can be an accessory. If it has to happen to you, make it work for you. Remember one day it will in fact pass. In the meantime, there are good things happening in you, around you, and on your behalf. That's not wishful thinking. It is my faith in God for you. He makes no mistakes. If you are still here, it is because the flawless wisdom of God has decided it, and makes it so. If you are winning at life right now, great! But if you happen to be struggling, don't lose heart, or hope. Change is coming. These moments are just that, moments. Don't let them become the whole story. They came to pass. Don't make hasty decisions based on them, and cause them to hang around longer. Don't allow them to be a bigger part of your story than necessary. Use them to cross train, and move on.
Keep fighting, but know that if you don't win, it's truly ok. Consider it a part of your fitness routine. Surviving losses, and failures is a victory of its own.  

 *For the sake of my reputation, this post will self-destruct... 


Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Braving COVID-19"

I hate the circumstances, but I'd be lying if I told you that I didn't appreciate the break. I'd rather we had a global pause due to celebration, and without the sickness, sadness, dying, or the death part. But the precautions, and panic related to COVID-19 has allowed time to reflect. The following are my random thoughts as a result:

  • Confession: Prior to social distancing, I was already socially distant. It wasn't exactly my proximity. It was my inability to really connect with people. This was based on many factors. My schedule was one of them. Even when I was among people, I wasn't with people.  My mind was always on the next thing. Distant. Don't be that person. Be engaged exactly where you are. *Some might say that this description fits being relationally distant. I'll bite. But it is my opinion and experience that those two things relate.
  • Introverts everywhere are happy to their souls. They are living their very best lives right now. Leave them alone, but please reach out to all the extroverts you know. They could use some "extra" support and attention. 
  • Due to this pandemic America has an opportunity to try homeschooling. This will either cause people to respect homeschooling folks who remain sane, or it will further cement the idea that we are lunatics. There will be no in between. I just like that it is an opportunity to explore ideas, and seek understanding. This opportunity is not exclusive to homeschooling. The same can be said of politics, religion, and social issues. We are divided nation. Each side disqualifying the other, and dismissing the wisdom and brilliant minds on the opposing side. It's hard to build a greater country if we are busy tearing each other down. After all, a country is built on the ideas, and ideals accepted, and acted upon by its people. I'm not telling you to enter a political discussion with anyone, but on your own, you could explore why they might feel the way they do. Listen to what they might listen to. Don't worry. It's not contagious. Unlike COVID-19, you won't catch it.
  • There is no longer an excuse to ignore the massive dust bunnies under the couch, or the crumbs in it. Nothing stands between you, and decluttering that draw or closet other than the will to do it. If you are like me -with clothing decades old- it's time.  
  • Speaking of clothing, the reason some of my "classic pieces" are still hanging around is because I was determined "one day they'd fit. One day" is today. Now, is a good time to begin making decisions to cause your clothes to fit. How are you doing with that New Year's resolution regarding weight loss/health? Revisit it. You don't need to be indoors eating all day. Crawl out of that sack of whatever you hoarded, and are eating uncontrollably, and get active. Turn off the screen and take a hike. Literally. Walk. Run. Bike. Jump rope. Rollerblade. Whatever. There are restrictions on gatherings, not exercise. Get some...and make healthy choices that support it.
  • This is an excellent time for relationship building. Don't shoot. Some of you are stuck indoors with the people who mean the most to you, but they are mean to you. They drive you crazy, and assuming you prioritized well, you bought alcohol to cope with being locked in with them. Don't drink it. We are making healthy choices here remember? I realize this might be difficult. Some family members are so different, we'd never be around those people if God didn't see fit to make them related by blood. Perhaps they are so draining, it is your normal practice to deliberately put "social distance" between you and them. Your "meanager" teenager, your spouse, mother in law, etc. Point is, now is an excellent time to take a step closer to them. Spend some time listening to them. Have that conversation you hate having. Again. Listen this time. Really, listen to them. Don't assume you are right, and if you are, don't assume they are your enemies. Consider that this person loves you. Obviously, I'm not talking about relationships that are unhealthy, and require healthy distance. I'm talking about ones that are weird, strained, awkward, but still repairable. Perhaps you do have a few relationships that are severed that need to be looked at. Just make sure you are not harboring bitterness. Be willing to see your part in any relational war, or walk away from battles that are not yours to fight.
  • Connect. Get to know someone in your community.  It may not be as scary as knocking on your neighbor's door. You could do that, but COVID-19 panic is real. You don't have to risk the door being slammed in your face. Just go outside and wait. If you lurk outdoors for a while, cabin fever will flush your neighbors out. They are desperate enough to be outdoors welcoming vitamin D. Now is an excellent time to meet them. Find out their names, and begin a relationship, or at least greet them. That's a start. It's better than doing that thing that you guys do where you pretend you don't see each other driving by in a whole car!
  • Reflect on yourself. Where are you in life? Are you prioritizing the right things? Are you  genuine, and honest to your core? Is that hairstyle really working for you? Was that joke really funny, or was that more of a nervous laugh? Is this who you are, how you want to portray yourself? Frazzled, frumpy mom, super trendy, and edgy. Are you downplaying you, or are you "up-playing" you to fit in/belong? You don't have to ask deep questions. Just take some time to connect with the person God intended you to be. If you don't already know, begin to discover who that is. Speaking of God...
  • Consider faith. Nothing reminds us of our humanity like a massive disaster, or say a pandemic. Put real thought into faith. What do you believe? Often, we adopt ideas, and beliefs that sound good, well argued, or constructed, but in many cases, they are the opinions of other people. What are yours? There is no substitute for your own genuine study, and honest seeking. Do it. You don't want to be wrong about the right thing. Be sure you are correct or at least confident in your conclusion. We call that faith. Pray. Talk to God. Ask Him about it. I can tell you He answers, even those who feel like they don't deserve it. From my experience, I'd say especially "those." The big point is, you don't want to be wrong on something so huge.
  • This is an excellent time to catch up on reading. Not skimming. Reading.  Otherwise, get rid of all those books, and materials you have been stockpiling for the apocalypse. This is as close to one as we have come in modern times. If you are not reading now, be honest. It's never going to happen. That said, this is also a good time to stop reading. Bookworms, I'm looking at you. Go be active. Go do something you have been reading about.
  • Create. Explore that hobby you have been too busy, intimidated, overwhelmed, insecure or fearful to try. Draw, paint, sew, bake, build a website, plan a party (for when the quarantine ends) organize your photos, scrapbook, mentor, etc. Or Be realistic. You can't sing, so no need to send in an audition clip to a talent show, unless rejection gets you high, or you just want to be able to say you did it. Also, be unrealistic. Do a bucket list thing that you have been putting off. Or, at least begin seriously thinking through it, how and when it can be done. 
  • Invest. Financially, emotionally, spiritually. Wherever you want to see a return in life, invest there. This is an excellent time to pour into someone or something. Look for a person/s or a  cause around you to be generous to. Offer them/it your time, talents, gifts, abilities, connections, and resources.
  • If you love someone let them know. Give hugs. Pet your animals, or take in a shelter pet. It is always a good time to love someone or something. Love is brightest, when the world is darkest. It's definitely gloomy right now.
  • Rest. Contrary to the laundry list of things I've posted "to do" it's okay to rest. Your body, and your mind needs it. Do something, or nothing, but rest. I'm not talking about laziness, but schedule yourself a time to rest. When the rest is over, it will likely give you the clarity to work wisely.
This is not a comprehensive list. Currently these are the big ones for me. They are not in order of importance. Your list might look differently than mine, but make one. Just tackling laundry might be a triumph for you, or being shut in and not murdering anyone might be your thing. The point is, if you are healthy, that's a blessing. Put this time to good use. Make it work for you. If not, it will be a missed opportunity. 
I want you to emerge from COVID 19 healthier, and better than when you went in. That is my goal. Whether it's a grand transformation, or just a small change, I want to be better. I hope you are, and remain well in every way. I'd love to hear what you are focusing on at this time. Leave a comment below.