Love and Something Unlike it

Some topics are above my pedigree. On those matters, I'm slow in thought. I'd like to be slower to speak. With another Valentine's Day behind me, I've been reflecting on love. I cautiously offer my sluggish opinions.

All things considered; love is still the greatest power ever known. Unfortunately, it is also the most abused, misused, and misunderstood. I'm not claiming guru status here. I don't have the answers. I am merely an observer. Life has taught me that man has no real idea what love is. Sure, he comes close to it. He even has a wildly pleasant form of it, but real love escapes him. Should he manage to find it, he doesn't dwell in it. How's that for positivity?

When asked what's the greatest commandment. Jesus said, "love the Lord your God with all your heart soul, strength and mind." In revealing what the greatest commandment is, He also revealed what love looks like. He paints this picture of the all-encompassing. Love is the offering of everything you have.

My husband is "Mr. Easy." He is a relaxed guy. He is also organized and orderly, yet he accepts my general messiness. He does laundry, cooks, clean, takes care of children and pets. The guy can almost do no wrong. Except he does. They are often little things. An occasional dirty dish left outside its habitat. His lunch container, on the counter. Mostly, he fails in observing certain laws of the household as set by me. No jackets on the backs of dining room chairs. No electronic devices on the dining room table. No shoes on the carpet. I was furiously cleaning up after him one day, when the true source of my anger was uncovered. "You want love, but you don't want to sacrifice." Ouch! It stung. I assumed myself more mature. I was not.

Love without sacrifice. Is that even possible?  It became clear to me, that I wanted all of the benefits of love, but I wanted it without any personal change to me, or to what was comfortable to me. Unfortunately, this is what love looks like to many. We add people to our world/lives, without expecting them to affect or impact it in any real way. Nor do we anticipate well, or welcome the changes they bring to it from theirs.

Many, more mature than I, do anticipate those changes. They are willing to make certain sacrifices, but more often their adjustments look like concessions, and compromises rather than total surrender. The question remains. What is love without sacrifice? I believe that the extent to which we are willing to magnanimously sacrifice, is the extent to which we love.

This is why the love of God is so astounding. Some have deemed it "reckless." It certainly looks that way when compared to ours. But that's not fair. We are not the bar. Therefore, comparison isn't a real one. It shouldn't be used to assign a label or draw a conclusion. God and man are unequal. Purity compared to the impure is like comparing Monopoly money to actual money. It is actually more like life and light, compared to death and darkness. In most circumstances, and without discussion, we'd dismiss the fake thing altogether. It's not worthy of conversation, much less comparison.
Perfection is the only true standard. God is Love. Love is who He is. He is the whole reason we love at all. Anything we know of love we have learned from Him. He taught us that love requires selflessness. It is this total selflessness that earned Him the label "reckless." Real and true is a more accurate description. Otherwise everything about Him is "reckless," grace, forgiveness, all. And that raises so many questions. Let's just leave all of it alone. Let's agree that whatever God has given man, He gave it extravagantly. Whether peace, or love, joy, hope, and more, His generosity in all, is astonishing. It is this willingness to give so much that draws us to Him. He has taught us the that love requires something of us. It requires a sacrifice, an offering. His was phenomenal.  His sacrifice wasn't large. It was everything.

Sacrifices are necessary to love, but not all are equal. It is possible to sacrifice begrudgingly. That sort can come dressed nicely, but it reeks of control, and power. "Look at what I have done for you. Do you see how good I am? How patiently I endure you. You owe me something, for my pains." Though never spoken, those thoughts can be held, communicated via deeds, and acted upon by a love that is less than. This is often where humans love from. It is love that keeps score. It keeps a record of wrongs, by sometimes keeping a record of rights. "I have done X, Y, Z." The end result is the same. It is used to convict that debtor of wrong, hold him hostage, or keep him in bondage.

Further, we often love from a position of weakness. "I need you therefore I love you." That's the theme in just about every romance film. Some guy is hopelessly in love with a beautiful girl. He pursues her. Some girl is rescued from trying circumstances, by one who will make her life better, forever. We celebrate this sort of love. I wonder about it. If the one who had something to gain, were not in that vulnerable position, would the love be so consuming? Would that heart so willingly "fall?" Side note: I'm leery of "fallen" anything. Fallen hearts. Fallen people. Fallen trees. Just falling in general. I digress. My point is, if she wasn't beautiful, he didn't need her, and she didn't enhance his life in anyway, would the love be there? If he wasn't the prince, and couldn't rescue her, would she be content with him? All indications are that real love is most clearly revealed when it is extended to the unworthy. The undeserving. The love we read about often makes people worthy by, wealth, beauty or by character. Something redeemable exist. Love for the all-around ugly is a rare, and elusive thing. There is zero benefit in it to the one who has better options.

Far be it from me to mock attraction, or needing someone. But I do think the desperation that we crave in love, is sometimes tied to an inexplainable core need. Often it expresses itself in a certain sort of selfishness. We think sentiments about being unable to "live without" a person is cute, or even romantic. We assume they show devotion, and oneness. I think it reveals the root of a love that is driven by personal satisfaction. Isn't that truly a fulfilment issue?
On the flipside, there are those who seek to be someone's "everything." They want to be the center of another person's world. There is selfishness in that too. We want another human's wellbeing connected to ours, and seeking ours. There's a word for that. Worship. We want to know that someone cannot live without us. They need us. Think about that. "I cannot live without you."  That is "love" that literally restricts life. That's control, and that type of love brings bondage. That's exactly what love from a place of desperation looks like. One or both parties are deriving some benefit related to fulfillment from it.  It is not healthy. It is a poor substitute for what we actually want, real love. It does exist.

I reluctantly admit that the fairytales also offer a glimpse of genuine love. It's wrapped so tightly in a blanket of baloney, blink, and you'll miss it. But wade through the general superficial elements in these stories, and you have a kernel of truth related to real love told over and over again. It is tied to who the prince is. He represents power. That is love from the position of strength. The prince does not need the maiden. He is by all means self-sufficient. He faithfully loves one who can in no way benefit him. She is only a part of the story because he has made her worthy. That's a clue. True love always steps down to draw others up. It is humble, patient, kind and considerate. It is only ever pure. On some levels we understand this. We marvel and measure the depth of love by how low a person is willing to go for it. This is key to love from a position of strength, and it is superior to love from desperation. One is true and noble, the other can be tainted by need, a lack of contentment and perhaps even greed. "I don't need you; but I choose you." That is superior to, "I desperately need you, I can't live without you so I choose you."

I'm not trying to trash human love. Nor am I saying that need is wrong. It just occurs to me that one is greater. It reminds me of when Jesus said, "it is more blessed to give than to receive. Both are blessed. One simply offers more blessings than the other. Love from need, can be love. Love from choice is a grander thing is the point. That is God's love, a choice on the part of perfection.  Man's love is not complete. It has room to be informed, and therefore transformed. Through humility and obedience, it becomes a more "reckless" thing.

I remain as I began, with thoughts beyond me.  I'm attempting to communicate the divine. God alone knows love. He loves from a position of total strength, without need for us, but with absolute consideration of us. He alone enables us to love in this manner. Anything calling itself love, but not resembling His, is a work in progress at best, or a true counterfeit. It is plagued with fulfillment issues. Oh, it can feel good. It may even provide a measure of comfort, but it has limits. Testing quickly reveals it is not the all-powerful thing it purports to be. It is my great hope that one day we all know well, love unrestrained