DARK SECRETS

What is the worse thing you have ever done? What if the world knew about it? Would you be willing to confess that if it meant losing everyone and everything but facing God forgiven? 

Recently, I have been watching the Caleb Flynn trial. For those of you who don’t know, Caleb Flynn, formerly a married pastor, was recently convicted and sentenced for the murder of his wife among other things. It appears he broke every commandment, 1-10 to be with his much younger lover and boss. Because he insisted upon his innocence he was a given a jury trial which exposed the details of his affair. From the awful lies he told, to cringy songs he wrote to his lover, the most intimate details of their relationship was aired. So much of his private life was revealed it bordered on overexposure as the public was spared few details. 

While I can’t say that I feel entirely sorry for Caleb, I do relate to his story in this: could I withstand the consequences if my entire life, including all my secrets were revealed? 

I once dreamt that I killed someone. No one alive knew except me and God. In the dream I had a very clear choice; I could confess that I killed the person and lose everything, or I could continue the lie and the life I had and no one would know. The only catch was I’d have to face God and hell for keeping up the facade. In the dream I offered a compromise. I reasoned that I would confess to God and just be a good person from there on out. Somehow even the dream, I understood that that compromise was glaringly insufficient. Primarily because the justice of God demanded humility, truth, and repentance. The only path to true peace was uncovering the wrong that stood between God and l. Covering it was a temporary, yet more incomprehensibly dangerous decision. So, the was choice clear: repent and gain God. Remain silent and go to hell. I woke up just after acknowledging I could not face God with sin for the sake of saving face with people. But that was just a dream. 

Unlike Caleb Flynn, in my real, fully awake life, I've never been accused of murder, but there have been quite a things that I have done which warrant confession to God and others. Not so much for the sake of saving my soul as much as for the sake of growth, maturity and spiritual progression. I can’t be the only one. It makes me wonder about you. What are you holding back, and is it holding you back? Is it something that can ruin you spiritually? Eternally? Are you willing to risk that? The only thing worse than messing up here is missing eternity for it.

I readily acknowledge that not all secrets are equal in weight or consequences. What’s hidden in us runs the gamut from shades of gray to cavern black. Their impact on our lives runs the spectrum too. They live in us as lies of omission and lies of commission. Darkness mingled with light often covering it. 

It's hard to confess secrets which paint us unfavorably. It’s not easy and so we are selective. We share the more acceptable of the evil we have done. Now, I do not assume these things true of all. For some, this entire post is irrelevant as they have always been upstanding, open, and lived purer lives. That’s impressive. This is for those who have darker stories. You have harmed someone. Someone has harmed you. I'm not suggesting you come clean to the entire world. But you should definitely start where it matters most. Begin by telling the Lord. 

If you would be so bold and can bear the consequences, you may also tell me below. In every way “confession truly is good for the soul.”

*A confession of my own comes to mind. It’s too long to leave below.  I will make that my next post. 

NEW YEAR NOW: TIME TO LISTEN

Do you remember your frame of mind at the beginning of the year? 

I would not have remembered except very early in 2026 I offered some advice. It came in the form of a post for different blog.  What I do remember from that time is that the husband of a friend passed away on New Year's Day. In the midst of all the celebration was sorrow. I was struck by that. Celebration, sorrow and everything in between, all mingled, all happening all around me at the same time. From that season, I offered a few words. To others. To myself. I meant them, but had no way of knowing just how much I would come to need them. The following were my thoughts in January:

"2025 was a hard year. Frankly, the year before wasn’t much better. As 2025 ended, it occurred to me that there is no guarantee 2026 will be an improvement. How is that for good news! 

Admittedly, it could be better OR it could be worse. Circumstances change. Busyness ebbs and flows. Hard times, good times, and the mundane moments are often intertwined. Our lives are caught in their currents. We must go where the circumstances take us. A graveside. A graduation. A grocery store. Yet, in the middle of these ever changing tides, because of who we are in Christ, we need not remain there. We can continue in peace and joy, standing strong even if in tears. 

All is under our Lord’s sovereign control and we are in His good hands. I think of that as I reflect on the changes the few weeks this year has already brought to our church body and my own life. From the loss of loved ones and ailing relatives, to weddings, family and home additions. 2026 will likely include more illnesses, losses and deaths as well as more salvations, births and celebrations. More reasons to laugh and cry. It’s not all bad. It’s not all good. It’s just all different. A little of everything. 

God in his wisdom has ordained lives filled with these variances, but He never ordained that we do it alone: As long as I keep my hope in and heart on Him, I am not overcome by the hard circumstances nor am I trusting in any good that’s not Him. My trust is reserved  for His faithfulness and character alone. I lean on and cling to the always overcoming, and wonderfully overwhelming, unchanging goodness of God. It is abundant living. No matter what 2026 brings, in Him all is well. Thanks be to God!"

It's all so neat and tidy when written on paper. It's the living it out part that test the depth of our commitment to the truth. It makes me wonder about you. How are you doing? What were your thoughts hopes and resolutions for yourself at the beginning of the year? Did you have wisdom for yourself this year? What was it? How well have you been following it? The year is not over yet. It's not too late to do better.

Start Somewhere

Where to begin when you don’t know where to begin?

It seems an easier question to answer when it’s someone else’s life or problem. In those scenarios I rarely lack words.
“Just begin,” I say. “Start somewhere. Anywhere. Lose the first pound. Organize one area. Fill out an application. Create a résumé. Introduce yourself. Just begin.”

I find having this conversation with myself less clear.

All my life I’ve flirted with thoughts of being a writer. Full disclosure: I don’t know that I love writing as much as I love the exploration and communication of critical thoughts and ideas. Writing is simply the most effective means by which I do so. Yet, it’s hard to be faithful to a thing that is somewhat indefinable and elusive.
What makes one a writer? Is it a degree or an ability? Is it both? Is it having a bestseller or published work/s? Is it an earning amount? Or is it the frequency of, and faithfulness to writing clearly and concisely? Additionally, writing holds no guarantee of success nor any accolades for even trying it should that success fail to come. It’s hours of precious time and thought often for a solo audience. So, you could see how one could procrastinate or reason it away in favor of a more achievable, promising adventure.

At this point you might suspect that anyone wrestling with the thoughts above is neither serious nor passionate about writing. The unfaithfulness, lack of commitment and achievement, along with questions about whether to continue writing is all proof. You could be right but there is more.

There is a level of confidence innate to trying.  One must know or at least suspect they hold potential, or a product worth offering, or else why try? In pursuit of any passion we must also confront the nagging questions: Do I have what it takes to publicly succeed, or is this merely a private fascination? In a world with many offerings, what can I add? Is it worth sharing? I had similar thoughts and questions when I began this blog. I hold them still. Only it’s worse now. 

Since I began this blog, I have started and failed at not only being a consistent and successful writer (whatever that is), but in other areas as well. These experiences bolster the doubt. They fan flames of failure. And isn't that the gist of it; we fear failure. And so we procrastinate. We run to surer things. Interestingly, my detours from writing into the "safer spaces" of reliable employment, activity, and clear ability did not protect me from the failure I was attempting to avoid by escaping into them. And all the while I was still nagged by thoughts of writing.

I’ve considered these things silently. I return to this long neglected blog to ponder out loud my place in an articulate world of conversations. Is there room for me? Is there anything new that I can add? Do I have what it takes? If so, where do I begin?

Here. 

This is my somewhere. It’s my attempt to act in faith that God gave me something to say. Perhaps this is why thoughts of writing persist.  So I obey the tug and begin.

This is my somewhere. 
 

What’s yours? Share it below and let’s do it together. I hope you will join me and begin today.