Tuesday, July 31, 2012

That is the Question : Part Two

So I thought I'd update you after my last post. Questions are still swirling around in my head. There are still NO definite answers. I think these are Spirit led inquiries, and when God ask a question, He's not doing it to get an answer. He knows all the answers already. I believe His questions are self-checks, an assessment really. It calls us to search, and explore our own lives. It shines a direct light on what we believe, or think we believe, and draws attention to the truth, or lie of it. I have been slow to answer God's questions. I'm mostly tempted to ask Him to give me the answer He wants to hear.  In fact a couple days ago I did that, in a round about way. I asked Him a question of my own: "God are the things that I'm doing worth it, do they really matter? So far He hasn't answered with a yes or no, but this morning I woke up to sort of an answer... I was reading a passage that talked about "a double minded man being unstable in all his ways." You can find it in James 1:8. It hit me hard. Truth is, I am double minded. I would never have described myself that way, but the evidence suggest otherwise. How can you live for God and be double minded? You can't. 
You want to loose weight, but you want to eat whatever, and not workout. Double minded.
You want to achieve all you've dreamed of, but you don't want to risk all you have. Double minded.
You want to be a good parent, but dismiss the interests of your children. Double minded.
You want to be financially able, but you spend more than you save. Double minded.
You want to walk with God, but retain control. Double minded.
In whatever area you want, but you do not FULLY commit, you are double minded. 
In whatever area you are double minded you are unstable. In whatever area you are unstable there will be failure. You will suffer a loss. A lot of us have jobs. Why? We can relate to the importance of being stable financially, but do we grasp the magnitude of stability in other areas? You'd think it unwise to buy a house, but only clean, and maintain the kitchen, or a bathroom. Why then, do we leave some areas of lives to pan out how it will?  Has instability in any area ever produce reliable, or desired results?  Reminds me of the a song we sung as children. It was about a foolish man who built a house upon the sand, and wise man who built his house upon a rock. The results being a continuation, and stability for the wise, but instability, and total destruction for the fool. It's a great example of integrity in a decision.      
Back to me: I've taken pride in being a woman of my word. Perhaps that's the first problem, pride. I seem to remember reading somewhere that "pride goeth before a fall." I'd so like to believe that I always do the things I say, but God knows the truth. I say a lot. I intend a lot. I purpose to do a lot, in my life, and in relationship to Him, that doesn't get done. It happens in small decisions, and big ones. I might even start out great, but eventually I'm pulled away. I'm double minded. 
What does all of this mean? I HAVE NO IDEA!!! I only know what He's been showing me: Without Him I can do nothing. Sure, I can say a lot. I can intend a lot. I can purpose a lot, but I can achieve NOTHING! He's been reminding me to "commit my ways to Him (all of them) and to trust in Him. He will place in me desires. He will fill my "to do list", and He will bring those things to pass.
The journey continues...

1 comment:

  1. Serious introspection Shan.....I was reading it and I can definitely identify. Being honest with yourself and listening when God speaks in whatever way he does is a step in the right direction for all of us. Being 100 percent honest with yourself too is huge.


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