My Stuff: Part One
I'm just doing enough to get by. The "to dos" of today are covered well enough, so that I can cope with tomorrow's whatnots. Actually, "coping" is the perfect word. That's my life in a nutshell, "coping." I don't appear to be making significant advancements in any one area. Funny, because twenty years ago (wild that I can now refer to anything in terms of twenty years ago) I thought age was the answer to all my problems. When I was a child, I believed if I was old enough, I'd have all the skills it took to effectively, and victoriously run my life. The years have revealed the lie of that thought. Life management is best when there are plans. That doesn't mean having all the details figured out. It means having a belief system from which to approach life. My system has been my faith in Christ. Lately though, I've been feeling like that faith is on an IV, buried somewhere deep inside me. It needs resuscitation The passion that once flowed from that faith to all aspects of life, is gone. Well, not gone entirely, more like lethargic. The simple answer is pray, read the Bible, and believe. Affirmative, and not guilty on all counts. Still, no cure. In fact I believe this unrest in my spirit is God given, and is necessary for change. There is something He wants for me. It's like I'm waiting for that "something" to happen, something big. I don't mean "something" flashy, more like life changing. There's the problem, the waiting. Patience is a good thing, but his isn't patience. This is more like I've been on pause,or hold. It's like I've been hanging out on the sidelines of a really good game, but can't play. Or for the shoppers among us, it's like waiting outside Saks during a 95% off sale. You'd have to be nuts, NOT to get involved. I'm nuts. I'm not really involved with life. I'm detached from it some weird way. I'm not living in excellence, and doing anything to the best of my ability, just functioning it seems.
Please don't hear me saying my life isn't full. That's just it. My life is VERY full. I'm at odds with what's filling it, and what the filler is costing me. If I'm honest, I can do more, be more. I'm not talking about making money (although that wouldn't offend me). I'm talking living with purpose, and passion, and vision. Heck, living with energy would be nice! Also, I'm not claiming that I have answers, only that I see a problem which I'm unwilling to live with any longer. I refuse to surrender to anything that isn't apart of my God given destiny. The courage to write, and post this is in keeping that destiny. I believe I'm called to an honest life. No more living in the shadows, and shallow streams of reality. I abhor the shallows anyway. It's time to get real. This is my life. God gave it to me, and nothing shall rob me of my joy in it. I will live it by His might, via the fearlessness of His Spirit and truth.
In case you are curious, the catalyst for this post was something benign. Yesterday I lost my keys. That means that my "coping" today will be impacted by yesterday's mishap. It occurred to me, I'm tired of playing/functioning on the defense, and reacting to life's junk. What if I had a predetermined course of action? It's time to go on offense. Yes, I know that losing one's keys is but a minor irritation. That's really not the point. The point is that I've spent much of my life looking, and waiting for something and as a result I've been asleep, deaf, and blind to other things. I've been looking for that "something" like it's something I've lost, or in fact never had. I intend to STOP looking. I'm complete. God has given me EVERYTHING I need to live victoriously. I will no longer let my peace be defined by what I don't have, and thoughts of, or my pursuit of it. I CHOOSE in advance whatever God has for me. I choose to live not just functioning , coping, existing. I'm going to do it completely aware, and alive to all my potential. No more waiting around for something big to happen. I will be open to the smaller things, and to doing them well. I believe it's the culmination of well executed small things, that makes something grand. For me, for now, that is living on offense, living on purpose.
So this post went longer than I intended, but I said what I felt needed to. I don't expect anyone to identify. It's not for everyone, but it's for someone, even if that someone is me.
Phew! All of that because I lost my keys! Ya'll better pray I never lose anything of more greater importance, because that post would be ridiculous!