DARK SECRETS

What is the worse thing you have ever done? What if the world knew about it? Would you be willing to confess that if it meant losing everyone and everything but facing God forgiven? 

Recently, I have been watching the Caleb Flynn trial. For those of you who don’t know, Caleb Flynn, formerly a married pastor, was recently convicted and sentenced for the murder of his wife among other things. It appears he broke every commandment, 1-10 to be with his much younger lover and boss. Because he insisted upon his innocence he was a given a jury trial which exposed the details of his affair. From the awful lies he told, to cringy songs he wrote to his lover, the most intimate details of their relationship was aired. So much of his private life was revealed it bordered on overexposure as the public was spared few details. 

While I can’t say that I feel entirely sorry for Caleb, I do relate to his story in this: could I withstand the consequences if my entire life, including all my secrets were revealed? 

I once dreamt that I killed someone. No one alive knew except me and God. In the dream I had a very clear choice; I could confess that I killed the person and lose everything, or I could continue the lie and the life I had and no one would know. The only catch was I’d have to face God and hell for keeping up the facade. In the dream I offered a compromise. I reasoned that I would confess to God and just be a good person from there on out. Somehow even the dream, I understood that that compromise was glaringly insufficient. Primarily because the justice of God demanded humility, truth, and repentance. The only path to true peace was uncovering the wrong that stood between God and l. Covering it was a temporary, yet more incomprehensibly dangerous decision. So, the was choice clear: repent and gain God. Remain silent and go to hell. I woke up just after acknowledging I could not face God with sin for the sake of saving face with people. But that was just a dream. 

Unlike Caleb Flynn, in my real, fully awake life, I've never been accused of murder, but there have been quite a things that I have done which warrant confession to God and others. Not so much for the sake of saving my soul as much as for the sake of growth, maturity and spiritual progression. I can’t be the only one. It makes me wonder about you. What are you holding back, and is it holding you back? Is it something that can ruin you spiritually? Eternally? Are you willing to risk that? The only thing worse than messing up here is missing eternity for it.

I readily acknowledge that not all secrets are equal in weight or consequences. What’s hidden in us runs the gamut from shades of gray to cavern black. Their impact on our lives runs the spectrum too. They live in us as lies of omission and lies of commission. Darkness mingled with light often covering it. 

It's hard to confess secrets which paint us unfavorably. It’s not easy and so we are selective. We share the more acceptable of the evil we have done. Now, I do not assume these things true of all. For some, this entire post is irrelevant as they have always been upstanding, open, and lived purer lives. That’s impressive. This is for those who have darker stories. You have harmed someone. Someone has harmed you. I'm not suggesting you come clean to the entire world. But you should definitely start where it matters most. Begin by telling the Lord. 

If you would be so bold and can bear the consequences, you may also tell me below. In every way “confession truly is good for the soul.”

*A confession of my own comes to mind. It’s too long to leave below.  I will make that my next post.